Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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