I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
