They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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