New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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