im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I want a musical about memes.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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