do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
