When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
