i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
