i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
