I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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