then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
