I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
