I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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