Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
