Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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