I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize