So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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