dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
