I love black thongs
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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