it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize