you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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