Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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