just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I want a musical about memes.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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