I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i would punch a child for taco bell
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize