shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
