Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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