This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
