You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
