So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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