Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
as a side note pls kill me
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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