I'm going to jail i love you
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
