So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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