and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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