At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Cover your peen. We're going out.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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