naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
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