Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
