Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Semen is not good for contacts.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
