I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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