Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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