I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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