Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
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