did you get engaged???
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
