I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize