it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
