Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
pray to the hookup gods
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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