and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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