Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
