Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
