i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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