my mouth tastes like poor choices
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
