Just fell off a train. Bad.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
