I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
