Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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