Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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