I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
