i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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