friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
