Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
