Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
