he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
