saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
