I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
