I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
