Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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