You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
