walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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