can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
