I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Randomize
